Probie, a man with problems
by special agent Ali
Summary: Hi all, this story is of episode Probie but its told in a new way only thing same from episode is McGee shooting the guy. Tim McGee has a secret though, one he's kept a long time. When its told, will his team ever see him the same way again? McAbby, Tiva
1. It's my punishment Abby

She stood there for five minutes before annoyance and a lot of impatience boiled over, before she was let in to the small and very tidy home. True, she picked the lock, but to the smart woman time was money and she could feel the quarters breaking free from her next check as she twisted her lock pick.

"Tim? Hey, McGee, rise and shine already. It's not that bad, heck for all we know you shot a guy on our most wanted... list," Abby called out, walking in through his place and all the way to the bedroom door. Inside was as neat as the rest of the home except the... blood?

It was pooling on the carpet as it neatly dripped down the long cut on the man's arm, and Abby barely concealed a small gasp, causing him to look up.

It took her less than five giant leaps to be at his side and grasp his hand, kneeling by the small puddle. Tim kept his eyes focused on her, ignoring the searing pain in his arm. He tried to smile as he reached up and rubbed his eye with his free hand.

"Abby," Tim whispered, his breath slow and steady as the Goth felt his pulse. She gave Tim's body a quick sweep with her eyes and Tim squeezed her hand.

"I only got to my left arm, guess I'm not that brave yet," he said, and Abby forced a chuckle as she stood keeping her eyes firmly on him.

"Bandaids in the bathroom, Abs, I didn't hide them," Tim said and Abby nodded, still unable to comprehend the site before her. Tim, her Timmy, was... cutting.

Abby raced to the bathroom determined not to leave Tim for more than a second and as soon as she had her supplies she returned to find he hadn't budged. However, his eyes had fallen back to his cuts.

"You're pretty good with them bandages, Ducky teach first aid classes or something?" McGee asked as Abby dabbed at the long red gash with a cotton swab.

She poured more alcohol on one and he hissed.

"Tim, you can't be like Tony and just make a joke about it, we gotta get you to a doctor or at least to Ducky, and we gotta tell Gibbs," Abby said finally, gritting her teeth. She was frustrated and angry with him now and Tim's smile dropped.

"Abby, you can't do that, I screwed up and this will only make more trouble," Tim said hardening his tone and Abby glanced back up to him.

"Timothy McGee, were talking life and death," she argued and Tim stood up and glared at her.

"You just don't get it, I have to do this," Tim said. His eyes widened as he realized what he said and he lost his balance, causing him to fall back on his bed.

"Tim?" Abby called as Tim fell on the bed and laid there, his eyes on the ceiling. She stood up and crawled on the bed and Tim turned his head away.

"Tim, talk to me, you've done this before I can tell, you're a horrible liar," Abby said and as Tim looked at her she saw a few tears fall.

"Children... they don't need to worry about... a parent could... Abby I couldn't... I needed to feel punished for her, and then after it was just nicks really," Tim stuttered out, rolling off the bed.

When he stood he unfastened his pants and Abby saw twenty or thirty small scars surrounding a large one. Her eyes bulged and slowly climbed up past his legs till she was staring in shock into his eyes.

"Abby, you can't tell anyone about these... punishments, I never go very deep and they've all healed up a lot," Tim quickly said, defending himself as the scars were concealed again.

"Listen, when I screwed up I'd sit here, drop my pants and slowly cut my leg. Then I'd yell a bit then wash it and it'd be over," Tim said as he ran to sit by her and this time Abby stood.

"You're actually asking me to keep quiet about this, I can't believe you're even enjoying this," she yelled. Tim got up and put his hand on her mouth.

"You don't enjoy punishment, Abby, I hate doing this but I have no choice, I'm not like you guys, I can't deal with the guilt," Tim whispered and Abby pushed him away.

"I knew you were different, McGee, not many put a tat on their ass to impress a girl, but this cutting has to stop, I'm telling Gibbs," Abby said and ran to the front door. Tim raced after her, stretching to catch her arm and hold her back before closing the door again.

"Abby, please" Tim begged, squeezing her arm. Abby reached out and slapped his cheek, then turned and opened the door again, running out to her car. Tim stood in the doorway and stroked his cheek. 


	2. A whole mess of trouble

Ok I agree with whoever those anonymous reviews were from and thanks. I am keeping chapter 1 but nothing else maybe just a couple snippets _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"You don't know me at all Abby! I know what I'm doing" Tim screamed at her before slamming the door shut in a blind, angry rage. He turned and stormed off to his bedroom but stopped when the door suddenly flew back open.

"I know this wasn't the same man who put that tatoo on his ass Tim. I know this isn't or even can't be the same guy who helped me crack several cases. You're nothing but a pathetic loser now" Abby screamed at him and Tim just stood there taking it while his hands curled and uncurled.

She went to storm back out when his long unnatural laugh stopped her.

"You won't tell Abs, you're too good to do that. You hoped that by coming back I'd give in to you but I can't. I can't just let someone die for my faults and not be "punished" Tim murmured.

For a moment Abby felt compassion for him. Tim looked at the ground and Abby swore she saw tears falling to the carpet.

She took a few steps toward him and he looked at her again. His eyes were wet and slightly tear streaked.

"Abs, please, as my friend, don't tell anyone, I'm not psychotic, I just....." Tim trailed off as his knees finally buckled and he sagged to the floor.

Abby knelt and took him into a gentle hug.

"I.... I don't know what to say Tim. I wish you had come to me" she murmured stroking his head.

"Didn't want you to worry Abs. Guess its too late now" Tim whispered back and then let out a long yawn. Abby brought him to his feet and then slowly took him to his bed. She tucked him in and kissed his cheek before letting herself out.

When morning came Tim's memories were foggy. He sat up and rubbed his eyes then did a double take at the bandage on his arm.

It took him a few minutes for the fog to clear and then he groaned.

"This is going to be a long day" Tim moaned and got up to take a shower.

Thirty minutes later after a small breakfast he pulled into his usual spot.

"Morning probester, you look like a train wreck, you lose a date again" Tony said with his usual charming smile and Tim must have looked beyond stunned because he then stood up and clapped his shoulder.

"Forget about it Timmy boy, maybe its all for the best, you might not have gotten to work today" Tony said and Tim managed to make a small smile.

"Don't listen to him McGee, I'm sure you'll find someone" Ziva added in and Tim nodded.

He got to his desk and his phone rang.

"Special agent McGee" Tim answered still stunned.

"Hey Tim, I need to talk to you" her voice broke the stun and Tim nodded at his phone hanging up.

He left without a half nod to the others.

"Abs, you angel, I'm buying you dinner tonight" Tim greeted her but his smile dropped at her frown.

"Forget celebrating Tim. I may be keeping your deranged secret but I doubt it'll even matter when everyone finds out who your mystery man was" Abby said sadly before bringing up Tim's dead alley guy.

"A.... cop?"

"Sorry Tim" Abby threw her arms around him and Tim held in a hiss as she touched his wound.

"Sorry bout what McGeeK?" Tony questioned walking in and Tim sighed.

"Might as well know Tony, I'm a dead man walking" Tim said and motioned to the screen and both let out a low whistle.

"Sorry man" Tony offered and touched Tim's arm and Tim hissed loudly.

"You're hurt Tim, what happened?" Ziva asked and Tim looked at Abby who glanced at the floor.

"Go ahead tell them Abs, see if I give a damn. I'll go pack my stuff" Tim told her and stormed out of the lab.

"You two should sit" 


	3. Truth revealed, a bitter disappointment

Tony watched as McGee stormed out then he turned to Abs for an explanation.

"You two should sit" was her only reply.

'This can't be good, Abby looks she lost her best friend again' Tony thought. When the agent ziva replaced, Caitlin 'Kate' Todd died, Abby had taken it the hardest.

Tony knew what she was about to say was not going to be easy to take.

"Abs, what the hell is going on here?" He asked and Abby sighed.

To his surprise though, Ziva moved from her perch on Abby's desk and touched her arm. Abby glanced at her and Ziva leaned in to whisper something. Abby nodded in reply.

"I think you need this more than us Abby" Ziva calmly said and forced the Goth to sit in her rolling chair.

"Get Abby's other chair Tony, she was right, you do need to sit down" Ziva instructed her hands softly massaging Abby's shoulders.

'I just hope this isn't as you Americans call De Ja Vu' she thought bitterly. She was shocked she had been correct, McGee never seemed the type but then of course they never do.

Tony gave her a questionable look and Ziva glared at him. Jumping slightly, Tony ran to grab the second chair. He was back in less than a minute. Ziva's expression softened.

"Tim's been cutting, I'm not sure how long but he has quite a number of scars" she began and Tony's expression rapidly changed. He was shocked, upset and then pissed off.

"What?! Why the fuck would he be that stupid?" Tony asked standing us so fast the chair flew out from under him. He walked toward it and kicked it watching it sail to the lab doors.

"Are you finished?" Ziva asked her expression darkening again. Tony nodded and folded his arms. He wasn't about to sit again she noted so she continued.

"He's obviously scared, Timothy is a man who doesn't want to disappoint his family and we've been no help, maybe this was his only option" Ziva stated and Tony stared blankly.

"That's the dumbest...."

"Why do you even fucking care DiNozzo?" a voice cut Tony off. Tony turned and gave Tim a hard stare.

"Maybe because were team mates?" he asked and Tim laughed.

"Ha....that's funny....real funny" Tim said in between laughs.

Tony frowned. "What McChuckle?"

Tim straightened up and made a small smile. "You actually pretending to care...I must say I'm touched" he answered.

"It's not a joke Mcnerd, I tease you maybe but I don't want to see you hurt....hell its why I probably will stay here all night to clear your name"

Tim's smile dropped. "Who says I want your help?"

"Tim!" Abby scolded but Tim ignored her

"Your so full of shit DiNozzo, Like Ziva said, I'm a joke to you, a sex puppet for Abby and a dummy for Ziva to practice her ninja skills on, why would I ask any of you for help when none of you even treat me with respect" Tim stated.

He then shoved the chair with a mighty heave and Tony caught it.

"Go ahead, run you fucking pansy but it won't help Timmy, this is just fucking suicide attempts covered up" Tony yelled.

Tim just waved him off and walked out the door. Tony followed and grabbed his shoulder.

"Look at me McGee" he ordered and Tim stared into his eyes.

"Tim please.....your stronger than this" he begged. Tim shook his head.

"Tony....I killed a cop....what's it matter what I do now?" he asked. His defiant side was gone and the weaker man pushed out.

"You don't know that McGee" Abby said. The girls now standing outside too.

Tim smiled. "You...you all...." he started and then stopped.

Ziva put a hand on his shoulder and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I know you won't believe me but I am telling you this will not go well, you have to stop cutting" she said.

"I can handle it Z..."

"So did Tali....now my little sister is in heaven" Ziva finished and walked away.

"Did you two know that?" Tim asked and both shook their heads. Tim hurried after Ziva.


	4. Ducky's lecture, words to live by

_Hi all, wow its been way too long since I updated this story. So I decided to make a short filler chapter for it. And I rewrote chapter 3 a little but be warned about a lot of cussing._

Tim entered behind Ziva in the elevator and pushed for a floor. He pulled the switch though as it began to move.

"What happened to Tali?" he asked.

Ziva glanced at him, trying to read if he actually cared.

"Please Ziva….I…I don't want to die…I just want to feel I've paid for them…Erin…Kate…everyone" Tim added.

Ziva sighed and gave him a small smile.

"The doctors told me she hit a vein on her arm and bled to death, I was only one who knew and it haunts me that I didn't save her…I don't wish that to happen to you Timothy" Ziva said.

Tim nodded.

"Okay…I got one more question" he said and Ziva nodded.

"Who do you think I should tell first, Gibbs or Ducky?" he asked and Ziva grinned.

Without warning she threw her arms around his neck. Tim was caught off balance but steadied himself and hugged her back.

Ziva let go and kissed his cheek.

"Lets go to autopsy first…may as well get the lecture done first…I don't think Gibbs is a lecturer as much as a yeller" she said.

Tim nodded and turned the elevator back on and the two rode in silence down.

Ducky greeted them with a smile but it disappeared fast as Tim showed his arm first and explained how he got hurt.

"Oh Timothy…Ziva can you leave me with him?" Ducky asked and Ziva nodded.

"Oh wait take Mr. Palmer too" he added and Ziva guided Jimmy out.

Ducky gave Tim a stern look when they were alone.

"There's more isn't there?" he asked and Tim nodded dropping his gaze.

Tim dropped his pants and hopped on to a cold table and shuddered as Ducky inspected all the scars over both legs.

"They all seem to be healing well but….I just don't understand why….why cut Timothy?" Ducky asked and Tim explained.

He then showed off Kate and Erin's scars.

Ducky sighed and shook his head.

"This isn't punishment Timothy" he began and Tim looked up at him.

"My dear boy this is a cry for help….I remember when I was your age and my friend Charles went through this…he was too ashamed to ask anyone for help to deal with his mothers death and so went to cutting…it grew as more deaths grew until I made him seek help" he explained.

"Ducky…I don't need a therapist" Tim whined. Ducky raised a brow.

"You're going to make me go anyway" he added and Ducky nodded. Tim sighed and jumped off and dressed.

"All right…I guess I better tell Gibbs now in case this cuts into work" he said.

Ducky nodded and gripped his shoulders. "Timothy listen…if you ever feel the need to cut I want you to call me…out of everyone here you should know I don't judge people" he said and Tim nodded.

'Why didn't I think of that, Ducky does seem to be the one person who understands' Tim thought. He glanced at his arm and felt guilt.

'I really am an idiot I guess its better I'll be arrested soon for murdering a cop' he added.

Tim sighed and walked out of autopsy wondering if his life would ever be good again.


End file.
